I knew one day I’d do something great! It was bigger than busting out the Quarters at midnight. Bigger even than rerouting the computer system to my Tumblr.
I think I saved the world.
It was a week ago, and the UN was holding a top-of-the-top meeting. Huge secret. Only the big leaders were there. ‘Cept one.
I had to see what was happening, so I used my trustiest way of eavesdropping on the conference quarters. Didn’t even take an invention; I just visited the Junior Negotiators loo directly above. It turns out a very important someone didn’t show. O, I’ll call her – I know who she is, but I’m not allowed to tell, so basically I’m saving the world every time I don’t say it.
O was missing, and the big leaders were worried. Apparently their relations were a little unstable and the meeting was supposed to solidify their cause. Yeah, and the safety of the world. O had bombs. Not the nitrate-and-sugar kind, either.
While I was listening, the big leaders got a call from O. I can only assume it was a video call on a wall-sized screen, like in the movies. Turns out she didn’t want stability, and she’d prefer to blow half the world if she didn’t get what she wanted. One hour. Three demands. I won’t tell you want they were.
Well the meeting exploded. We are going to die, we should tell the citizens, we should give her what she wants, we can’t possibly meet all the demands, we need to get into her computer system and freeze everything.
I only heard the last part. Hey, I could do that. I did that at the Quarters about once a month, just for kicks and bargaining power. Sprinting past a squadron of bodyguards and down the stairs, I headed for the conference quarters.
Before I reached the door I thought better of it. Last year two big leaders had threatened my life if I dared enter the room again, much less transform their Slack icons to the Simpsons. Besides, the hustle inside would sooner knock me out than give me a chance. I changed direction and reached my room in a matter of seconds. I think I left 8-foot skid marks, too.
I opened my laptop, put on my glasses, and set up an algorithm I had written. Twenty minutes later I was in and O was out. Spiderman couldn’t have been any more exhilarated when he saved that trolleyful of kids and Penny.
I raced back down the hall to the conference quarters, wriggled past the guards, and busted into the meeting room with my laptop. The big leaders had just brought in a scared-looking Junior Programmer and were all explaining the problem at once.
I went straight to my dad. “Dad, I did it!”
“Darrell, did what, not a good time, blow up?”
“Dad, dad, I got into her system. O’s. I froze her. We’re not going to blow up!”
“What…” Dad glanced at me and my laptop. “Darrell, if you messed with the system again you’re in for it.”
“No, dad, I did it. I. Hacked. O’s. System.”
My dad freezes. (Like the system.) “You did it.” I nod. “Come here. To Ariel.”
Ariel is the Defense Councillor. I call her, ‘Ms. World Peace.’ She knows nothing about programming but she’s in charge of this situation. My dad hustles me over to her.
“Ariel. Ariel! Darrell did it! She’s in! She froze the system!”
She grabs my laptop, examines it as if she knows what she’s looking at. “Arthur, he’s what, fourteen? It’s a joke.” She hands back my laptop and returns to the Junior Programmer.
But one of the bodyguards steps in front of her. “Darrell is a kid. The most annoying kid I’ve ever seen – and I would know. I have to babysit her every day. But the kid has talent, ma’am, and if she says she’s done it, she’s done it.”
Ariel is bewildered. But the Junior Programmer leans around her and takes the laptop from my hands. My expression becomes a smirk as his becomes shock. “She’s done it!” shouts Eric. The room goes quiet. All the big leaders look at him, then me. I nod.
After the relief and a few drinks – one for me, too! – people start asking questions. I remind them that they must be glad they didn’t kill me. Reporters come, too. I am a genius, they say. The world deserves to know.
So that’s how I finally did something great. My face is all over the web and now I have more bodyguards than ever. Doesn’t matter: I understand the safety thing now. We all have to do our part to keep everyone safe and save the world however we can.